All (of us) dream, but not equally.

Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity:

but the dreamers of the day are dangerous,
for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible.

T.E Lawrence

In a sense the hateful choose to live in darkness.
They must dislike the light.
Anyone who chooses differently must be an insult to them.

M. Scott Peck

Happy Birthday Trampled Rose.....

If I Could Tell You

Time will say nothing but I told you so,
Time only knows the price we have to pay;
If I could tell you I would let you know.

If we should weep when clowns put on their show,
If we should stumble when musicians play,
Time will say nothing but I told you so.

There are no fortunes to be told, although,
Because I love you more than I can say,
If I could tell you I would let you know.

The winds must come from somewhere when they blow,
There must be reasons why the leaves decay;
Time will say nothing but I told you so.

Perhaps the roses really want to grow,
The vision seriously intends to stay;
If I could tell you I would let you know.

Suppose the lions all get up and go,
And all the brooks and soldiers run away;
Will time say nothing but I told you so?
If I could tell you I would let you know.

W.H Auden

It seems that's not all there is.

My greatest gift is my greatest folly but I just wanna feel true.

"Giving means extending one's love with no conditions, no expectations, no boundaries.

Peace of mind occurs, therefore when we put all our attention into giving and have no desire to get anything from, or to change another person.

The giving motivation leads to a sense of inner peace and joy that is unrelated to time"


G.G Jampolsky


I failed this once before. Now I'm doing it unnoticed and unacknowledged and I think I like it better that way.
Your little brother (real little, the other one's older than me) told me today that "sometimes people have to grow up before they can sort out arguments"& "sometimes you can realise something but you don't wanna admit it" & "maybe when you are 30 it will be okay"

I don't think so. I will not be filled with hatred and you seem to know no other way, maybe when you're 30.

(wise family you've got)

Soundtrack - An extremely enlightening compilation called "The Danger of Community Pressure"

"Follow The Bouncing Arm"

She's here
(Christ, when's she not?)

Waiting on a simple shred of beaurocracy.
A Bond Form.

I'm here.
(Not often)

on the front step
in my Virginia Woolf jacket.
(Oh, what Virginia means to me)

I can hear the birds and the cars still...
haven't pressed play yet
coz MP3's do a scary job
of nothing being random.

What song, dead rose?
dead rabbit? Here goes.

Free. Of course it is.
I should know by now but I'm still surprised.

"It's okay if you can stand to let him dance
It's okay, it's your right, come on and take a chance" Cat Power

Ah JC.

"One thing's for certain, when it comes my time,
I'll leave this old world with a satisfied mind" Kris Kristofferson

And to remind me what I am left with. What a gift.
I treat him better in a minute than you
did his whole life....

"There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No I never heard it at all
'Til there was you" Peggy Lee (singing)

"A movie script ending" ending
ending.... Camera Obscura

And My saviours.

"Mystery and wonder did light up the valley
To be beat back by dark clouds and a harsh reeking wind
And that battle staggered through 3 awful months there
To stop for a minute
Just to start up again"

"I have grown tired of the struggle
And i've grown tired of making plans
I think i'll quit to the valley
Regain my strength
And start again"

"There is glory in our failure" A Silver Mt Zion (B4 they went tra lala)

And the anthem of the whole F@#king debacle.

"What a sad trick you thought that you had to play.
But I don't blame you" Cat Power

"I hope you hear me
I can’t stand you next to me
Get lost goodbye
I’ll smile before you cry" Camera Obscura

And finale'

"Is that all there is?" Peggy Lee

The Beautiful Girls I look after and love......

Madeline Jade -- [noun]: A person who has the ability to be invisible 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

And..........

Lily-Anne -- [noun]: A poltergeist sent back in time to change the course of history forever 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Today's Universal Synchronicity - (just a little one)

I was eating soup with the mother of these gorgeous young girls (and my dear friend) Shellos, and we were discussing the many skills severely lacking in the girls' father (compassion, consistency, patience, a brain) when she called him a "CROUTON bastard". Now I'm quite used to her personal version of speech and find it a neverending source of humour but the weird thing is she had only arrived 10 mins earlier and had no idea I was making croutons (Which I usually forget about and burn!) Well had she not said what she said : "CROUTON" and actually said what she meant to say "Crude, rotten" then my croutons would have, in fact, burnt. So thankyou Shellos & Thankyou Universe.

N.B - One child was at school and the other fast asleep so they do not and will not witness our sledging of their father. We will remain diplomatic for their sake. I think we have a harmless a.k.a now though, don't you? he can now be referred to, in their presence, as CROUTON!!

(And yes Amy, there were delicious!!)

For Da Soldiers

"Here dead lie we because we did not choose"

Here dead lie we because we did not choose
To live and shame the land from which we sprung.
Life, to be sure, is nothing much to lose;
But young men think it is, and we were young.

A.E Housman

I'm really starting to like Housman. Still can't get past my drunken pal Bukowski and the girl in the tree young Miss Dickinson but Housman is becoming my friend.

I think war is ridiculous. I also think peace is unattainable while we all keep pretending we are not one 'n the same.

My legend of a Papa Li has just been "recruited" to convene and implement a taskforce for returning soldiers. Uno, from our ridiculously exploited participation in the War Against the Countries who are Slightly Tired of Years of Being f*#ked over by the US led by Christians who aren't Christians? I say good luck to him, if anyone can do it, he can. Didn't expect another war tho hey. Thought he could probably retire seeing as the old diggers are dying off. No such luck. Ah well.

Still cannae' sleep but getting an awful lot done.

Unpotted, Repotted and Parasite Free

Mercy me, I think I'm back.
Redirected, unaffected, and thankfully parasite free.



Silly girl I can be. You're only sposed to help those who help themselves (Uno it). But I learnt. Boy did I learn.
And I have my beloved T-Man along for my eternal ride and could... not.... possibly....wish... for... another.
And it's nearly Jesus'Birthday!
I love Christ(mas).
Or Festivus or Mithmas or whatever the hell it is.

Two of the intelligent young men who will be celebrating at our table cum 25th maintain that it's not really Jesus' birthday (and one maintains that he is, in fact, Jesus!) But I don't need technicalities (rife in my life with the T-man) nor do I need an excuse to celebrate Haysoos; it's just nice that everybody else will be joining me.
(Well except for the jews. and the muslims. and the consumers. and the gentiles. and digression unnecessary)
I just want to say that from what I've heard of Mr Christ, I have not (and not for lack of trying) found anyone else ever I would want to aspire to and in this sense, he is, indeed, my saviour. Yah.

I have been desperately but quite necessarily exploring this situation that you people call life in order to fill the void my sweet green friend has left.

Fifteen years Mary-Jane 'n I clocked up and I can't say say I haven't been in mourning (wouldn't b here without her) but now I actually get to see the morning (and the night and the afternoon and all the hours in between) ;unfortunately Mary-Jane is cross at me since I said tatala and she is punishing me by stealing my nocturnal bliss.

Thankfully my Beloved T-Man is on holidays and can be the brigadier of the Elyssium brigade most times (except when he's playing with his best friend Quake, ah look I forgive him, I'm sure it's nice to revisit his old cyber pals since every single thing he owned GOT BURNT UP)

So the nightmares suck, I'm severely sleep deprived (which can b a more fun drug than anything) and I LOATHE change but all in all I am kickin' life's ass Wokka Wokka Wah Wah.

I now eat. I now cook. I now smile. and I garden. Boy do I garden. Methinks me knows me's entered a lil' more mature way of thinking (ie. I'm gettin' old) when I get oh so excited about finding worms so I can put 'em in my compost! But hell we need food and frankly Safeway(tm)(see:totally munted) ur shit just ain't cutting it.

Apart from I love stuf, today I got some very good news (which I'm having trouble accepting)In 2 months I will be an official ABA (ie. Applied Behavioural Analysis) therapist and I have been invited by a wonderfully wise woman to practise at her therapy and healing centre.

I am already a level 2 Reiki therapist and soon I can combine it all to help n heal my wonderful autistic starchildren. It could be a dream, though. I guess we;ll see. Waking Life 'n all that. Ah but I blah, sleep dep'll do that.

Oh and by the way, Uno how people for years have cruised around with sandwich boards, ringing bells and such, proclaiming the end is nigh? well it actually is this time.

(metaphorically speaking of course, YOU HEAR THAT CATHOLICS! DO YA.. YOU'd WANNA)

So, anyway, if you know what you gotta do and you're just not, get on with it already. Time is a'tickin on.

Quotes of the Day - "Nobody realises that some people expend enourmous amounts of energy merely to be normal" Camus

"F@#K normal" Elyssium

"He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hope for the human condition is a fool" (?) Camus again maybe? I didn't write it down.

Now Playing - The sounds of one mighty sweet (yet slightly pompous) boy doing the dishes. FRICKIN' FINALLY.

I Thank the Universe For - Aforementioned boy and My girls plus their girls and well, I think I finally appreciate being alive again so ah, thanks for everything.

Tra lalalala

Man these things are accurate.
I know people who just keep doing them until they generate something they like. No such necessity here!

Why do people run from Elyssium Earth?

You can hear peoples thoughts and constantly talk back making you seem like a crazy person

'Why do people run from you?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Indeed

In what alternate dimension would Elyssium Earth be most comfortable?

In a dimension where... Life is fair

'In what alternate dimension would you be most comfortable?' at QuizGalaxy.com

One of my many personae

Make your own - http://games.franciscocharrua.com/

From the Anne Taintor Collection




Gone gone she's long gone, gone to Indiana, ain't never comin' home .....

(yes I know... it's deliberate. I knew you read it.)

"An invisible

red thread connects those destined to meet,

regardless of time,


place

or circumstance.



The thread may stretch or tangle,


but never break."

Ancient Chinese Proverb


Thankyou to all the families adopting from China whose blogging has enlightened me as to the true meaning of patience.

I Believe in Peace, Bitch....

Dictionary

Sarah -- [adjective]: Sexually stunning 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Trampled Rose
Long way going to
Get my medicine
Sky's the autumn grey of a lonely wren
Piano from a window played
Gone tomorrow, gone yesterday

I found it in the street
At first I did not see
Lying at my feet
A trampled rose

Passing the hat in church
It never stops going around
You never pay just once
To get the job done

What I done to me,I done to you
What happened to the trampled rose?

In the muddy street
With the fireworks and leaves
A blind man with a cup I asked
Would he sing 'Kisses Sweeter Than Wine'

I know that rose,Like I know my name
The one I gave my love,It was the same
Now I find it in the street,
A trampled rose


Tom Waits

Rat Chicken

http://games.franciscocharrua.com/rat-chicken/

Hi

http://tra-la-la-band.com/images/microphonesinthetrees.jpg

Sumfin to ponder.......

Train

More than a word...

It seems distance is not distance enough.
Vehemently avoiding any mention.
Over spill of irony and I
just
can't
not.

Night Piece

Her eyes the glow-worm lend thee,
The shooting stars attend thee ;
And the elves also,
Whose little eyes glow
Like the sparks of fire, befriend thee.

No Will-o'-the-Wisp mislight thee
Nor snake or slow-worm bite thee;
But on, on thy way,
Not making a stay,
Since ghost there's none to affright thee.

Let not the dark thee cumber;
What though the moon does slumber?
The stars of the night
Will lend thee their light,
Like tapers clear, without number....

Robert Herrick



Now Playing - I Don't Do Crowds : Camera Obscura

Ahh, free to exp[ou]nd. Change of direction since the incident I like to call Pariahs and Paroxysms or Representation:Damn you - An ode to a dead rabbit

Have finally found my way to compassion. What would Jesus do,indeed!

Soundtrack - CaT POwer - Free

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Veritas

I have a hard enough time deciphering my own reality from reality and on the reality-challenged internet I find myself lost with no key and no potion.

I live for truth (universal truth as opposed to The ministry of truth)

I am so dedicated to truth that I would be happy to shout true things from rooftops, even if they ruin everyone's day.

I can't help it. That's why I'm here.
I somehow want us to move forward in this crazy charade rather than wallow in it's madness.

I'm not above fun. I am just VERY easily amused. I wholeheartedly appreciate satire; I just don't generally find I have to create it, contrariwise, I feel I can't escape it, I feel that people everywhere, everyday are satirising themselves.

My genuine amusement comes from the deep ironies, polarities and idiosynchrasies of life.

That we denigrate that which has borne and sustained us in an effort to bear and sustain ourselves.
That we mourn death yet kill.
That we cosmeticise but not rhapsodise.
That we can gather globally to play fucking sport and then happily resume the inequity.
That people will do anything for a conceptual currency then moan about it's power.
That every single one of us seems to think we are coming up with something new.
That people who gun down emo are more emo than emo.

In the end, i gotta laugh.

Now Playing - Built then burn (Hurrah! Hurrah!) - A Silver Mt Zion

Word For The Day - Veritas - Latin - Truth

Something
Great ....

You like to?

http://snapshirts.com/custom.php

& Voltaire said-

I have never made but one prayer to God,a very short one:

"Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous".

And God granted it.

A poem I love

Dreamland .....

When midnight mists are creeping,
And all the land is sleeping
Around me tread the mighty dead,
And slowly pass away.

Lo, warriors, saints, and sages,
From out the vanished ages,
With solemn pace and reverent face
Appear and pass away.

The blaze of noonday splendour,
The twilight soft and tender
May charm the eye: yet they shall die,
Shall die and pass away.

But here in Dreamland's centre,
No spoiler's hand may enter
These visions fair, this radiance rare,
Shall never pass away.

I see the shadows falling,
The forms of old recalling;
Around me tread the mighty dead,
And slowly pass away.

The Reverend C.L Dodgson

And a women spoke, saying, Tell us of pain.
And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses
your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break so that its heart
may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily
miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even
as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over
your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters
of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you
heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in
silence and tranquility:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the
tender hand of the unseen,
And the cup he brings, tho it burn your lips, has
been fashioned of the clay which the Potter
has moistened with His own sacred tears.

From The Prophet - Kahlil Gibran

Thankyou.....

What is it to sleep with somebody you love and loves you? While your bodies rest do your souls dance together and chat and go on meandering little walks where you point out cute dream-realm creatures and sparkly unconscious flowers? I think so.

If you don't love each other do your souls ninja-kick and headlock each other or do you just meander alone?

If you sleep by yourself do you unconsciously call the ones you love on the telepathic telephone and ask them to meet you on an other-world hill? I think so.
Unless you are busy with monsters.

But then maybe they will help you fight the monsters?
I don't know.

If they aren't familiar with monsters, are there places you shouldn't take them? Hills you should not meet on? Creatures you should not point out? Probably.

I like sleeping with someone I love and who loves me. I like it a lot.

The History Of One Tough Motherfucker

Charles Bukowski

he came to the door one night wet thin beaten and
terrorized
a white cross-eyed tailless cat
I took him in and fed him and he stayed
grew to trust me until a friend drove up the driveway
and ran him over
I took what was left to a vet who said,"not much
chance...give him these pills...his backbone
is crushed, but it was crushed before and somehow
mended, if he lives he'll never walk, look at
these x-rays, he's been shot, look here, the pellets
are still there...also, he once had a tail, somebody
cut it off..."

I took the cat back, it was a hot summer, one of the
hottest in decades, I put him on the bathroom
floor, gave him water and pills, he wouldn't eat, he
wouldn't touch the water, I dipped my finger into it
and wet his mouth and I talked to him, I didn't go any-
where, I put in a lot of bathroom time and talked to
him and gently touched him and he looked back at
me with those pale blue crossed eyes and as the days went
by he made his first move
dragging himself forward by his front legs
(the rear ones wouldn't work)
he made it to the litter box
crawled over and in,
it was like the trumpet of possible victory
blowing in that bathroom and into the city, I
related to that cat - I'd had it bad, not that
bad but bad enough

one morning he got up, stood up, fell back down and
just looked at me.

"you can make it," I said to him.

he kept trying, getting up falling down, finally
he walked a few steps, he was like a drunk, the
rear legs just didn't want to do it and he fell again, rested,
then got up.

you know the rest: now he's better than ever, cross-eyed
almost toothless, but the grace is back, and that look in
his eyes never left...

and now sometimes I'm interviewed, they want to hear about
life and literature and I get drunk and hold up my cross-eyed,
shot, runover de-tailed cat and I say,"look, look
at this!"

but they don't understand, they say something like,"you
say you've been influenced by Celine?"

"no," I hold the cat up,"by what happens, by
things like this, by this, by this!"

I shake the cat, hold him up in
the smoky and drunken light, he's relaxed he knows...

it's then that the interviews end
although I am proud sometimes when I see the pictures
later and there I am and there is the cat and we are photo-graphed together.

he too knows it's bullshit but that somehow it all helps.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Yep. The auld bastard gave me a chuckle. (though I do yearn to insert, my friend, the comma!)

Word for the Day - ex·po·nen·tial

1. Of or relating to an exponent.
2. Mathematics.
a. Containing, involving, or expressed as an exponent.
b. Expressed in terms of a designated power of e, the base of natural logarithms.

Bonus Word - ex·po·nent

1. One that expounds or interprets.
2. One that speaks for, represents, or advocates

3. Mathematics. A number or symbol, as 3 in (x + y)3, placed to the right of and above another number, symbol, or expression, denoting the power to which that number, symbol, or expression is to be raised. Also called power.

I Thank the Universe for - yeast, hops, barley, malt, sugar, just: everything.

Soundtrack - the drone of my family and the not barely loud enough strains of my.... own.... personal..... jesus.

Sharpen Your Senses

In sudden darkness,
count these three things,

What is inside you
What you hold &
What you can reach

All else is perilous
or accidental.

".... I walk outside
and the heinous men
the steel men
who believe in the privacy of a wallet
and cement
and chosen occasions only
(Christmas New Year's the 4th of July)
to attempt to manifest a life
that has lain in a drawer like a single glove
that is brought out like a fist:
too much and too late"

Bukowski

My Contribution.

First blog you ever read?

Drawing It Out

What inspired you to start your own?

I wanted to talk to Sean Zachariah

The best and worst about blogging?

Best- Sometimes it's nice to be heard Worst- You can't tell the truth.

Who was the first person to comment on your blog? Troll your archives and find out.

Gun Street Girl. She had to.

What has been your most popular blog entry?

It was called 'Happy Eunice'. Because I can't tell the truth I was being silly and I put a photo of a cute little asian girl called Eunice in a (real) field. I think kids are very cute especially when they have names like that. It turned into warfare because some strung-out, twisted chauvinist egomaniac got very angry that I had used his picture on a previous post even tho it still had his name on it. He was mean to me. I was upset because I had stayed up all nite trying to find the words to explain my sadness and I couldn't. Just before I went to bed I found a picture of a fighting girl surrounded by spirity things and I thought it was perfect. I never said I drew it. I thought art is supposed to speak. Anyway it was negative and horrible and I once again realised I was trying to reason with someone who just likes being angry. No point. It was popular because everyone stuck up for me. Despite this, I don't remember it fondly. Happy Eunice indeed.

If I re-named my blog I would call it...

Mission:Absolution

If my blog had a theme song it would be

Pandora's Aquarium by Tori Amos
Well even.... the whole album: Tori Amos from the choirgirl hotel

If my blog was a room it would look like...

It would be like the Magic Faraway Tree. It would change all the time.

Five bloggers I would like to have over for dinner.

Graham Pollock, and 4 of the http://evangelicaltextualcriticism.blogspot.com team.

Two bloggers you would like to set up on a blind date.

I not think about such things and even now that I am thinking about it, I feel it is not something
I would do. Sorry.

Somebody I wish had a blog?

Hicks.

If you were only allowed to read one blog ever again, which blog would it be?

Mine.

Is there a fellow blogger you would like to snog / shag / do rude things to? Feel free to name names if you're game.

Nope.

Discover a blog. Link to a blog that you have recently found, or a blog you have been reading for a while and haven't blogrolled.

http://aferretofsorts.blogspot.com

Tag five bloggers to complete this meme.

Nope.


: )

Crusher

Ich bin sehr müde. Ist hier ein Minipseudohöhlenbewohner

Un moment avec précision

I got cut today.
Sliced deep and stinging
by a little country lady
who wielded a ruler...
who made lines
on a birthday card
so her shaky wishes
could be deciphered.

I got cut today.
Sliced slow and burning
by a little old man
trying to cross the road
straw hat in his eyes
while some tosser
drowning in 'product'
falsely buoyed by malcontent,
called him fuckwit.

I got cut today.
Shattered glass contusions.
it was the exuberance and awkwardness
of being 17
and how easily,
my extra jaded years
quell the questions.

SKU

Dust

Image from Fern & Frank Peat,"The Mother Goose Alphabet",1929

I lOve zeds

All Hail Delerium of the Endless

What a beautiful little muffin she is.....

This is when she is little and these pictures come from the drawing implements of Jill Thompson who drew the tiny Endless family for Neil Gaiman's superlative interpretation of "The Sandman".

ANDDDD.....

This -




Gifted to me through my brother's generosity and e-bayerrific tendencies.
See now this is what happens. She gets lost & Barnabus (Destruction's Dog)
has to find her.

He goes to each of her siblings to ask them.

"Before Barnabus could speak" Destiny says "Little Dog there are no pages in my book that state my sister is lost"..... so it remains that she is fine and will be found, provided Barnabus continues on his arduous journey.

I think that's the feeling I get when people are worried that something has happened and I know it hasn't.

I am reading "The Book of Life".

I'm also thinking this is why I see the answers in black & white, in a few short paragraphs, which to the universe they are.

You wanna know what to do? "Confront your father, quit your job, don't marry the first one, go to Guatemala in 5 years, no more orange juice you have a prospective ulcer"

Great.
Now what do I expect you to do for the next 7300 days with all the in-betweens?

In-betweens are a problem; even tho they are most pressing they seem the least real.

In my anomolous existence I seem to be unlearning the echoing meaning in order to not be crucified.
If I wanna fulfil my ACTUAL mission (which is not, much to my dismay, absolution) then I will probably be metaphorically crucified over n over n over. I know this.

Then Why oh why would I wanna do it??

Coz the book says........ and I love you guys........

See my conundrum. Fluctuating in it's command of me but ever present in it's choice.

Soundtrack - Why I do believe it's new Placebo...........

To Japan and Back...

With the generous and e-bayerrific tendency of my sibling in me talented. Look at that those where now this happens are. She is perplexed to the road and Barnabus (the dog of destruction) she must be found. He goes asking respectively to those of her sibling. "Barnabus" before being possible to speak, as for destiny "as for the puppy seat my sisters over there".... It means that it is not the page of my book which shows the fact that it is lost. So, in at that difficult travelling which Barnabus which was offered to that her being good, being found, continues and remains. I who am my feeling cause, when the people where I have known something which is thought are worried profit do not having. I am "this book-reading life". In addition as for me with such reason I to be black and the answering of white, think of that you see in the paragraph where the small amount which is short to outer space. Wanna you have known what which it should do? "In your father, your work which is stopped, Guatemala of 5 years which go with first one which does not get married, in the face of the orange juice above this which is the future ulcer in you" it is not good, it is large. Now do I expect that what the next 7300 days of all in-betweens it does? In-betweens is problem; Those seem most ways and tho which substance has pushed least. In my anomolous existence I seem the unlearning way because meaning of echo is not controlled. If I wanna achieves, (, are not many to exemption and my confusion) my actual delegation, perhaps then I was controlled on n figuratively, it is n which is ended. I have known this. Then wanna of Ohio state I why in order to do that? Why? ........ And I the person........ look at the Coz my puzzle solving problem where the book says that it loves. That fluctuation is my order, but presently of that it is fine. As for that the new false medicine........... - I why believe that is, sound track?

Image from www.bjork.com

You are Chihiro/Sen! Sometimes you come across as

a whiny, spoiled brat, but you have a good

heart and are brave when you have to be. You

just have a little growing up to do!


Which Spirited Away character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Don't Just Stand There Girl, Say Something......

I don't want to say what I want to say, and I can't really say what I should say til' I know how to say it but I like to write something so here is a list of the books on my bedside table, in various states of "read"...........

* John Ronald Ruehl TOLKIEN - Tree and Leaf/Smith of Wootton Major/The Homecoming of Beorthnoth

Belonged to my well-read father when he had 70's hair. Essays and short stories one of which is 'Leaf by Niggle', a story I love very much. Niggle is supposed to be doing what we are all "supposed" to be doing but he procrastinates and makes art instead which consequently creates him an afterworld he loves to be in. Hmmm. Interestingly when I was recounting it to someone, not having read it for years I said he was creating the afterworld for his wife who had already "moved on". This is in fact not true but a neat little indication of my psyche.

* Paul Benson - GREAT STORIES OF THE WILD WEST.

I say hooray to this 2nd hand find. Hoping for a little gunslinging and a few painted ladies I have been rewarded with interpretations of some fine western 'legends' - Butch Cassidy, Buffalo Bill, Billy the Kid and Jesse James. YAY.

* Aldous Huxley - THE DOORS OF PERCEPTION/HEAVEN AND HELL

A thoughtful and well placed gift from my housemate, Prince-o-the-faeries. Popular in the 60's, it's name taken from a Blake Poem -The Marriage of Heaven and Hell.....
"If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite" A handy reinforcement of my often surreal and abundant perception, it is a book which I am savouring and slightly frightened of.

*William Golding - RITES OF PASSAGE

Have started it twice but have not been in a pompous enough frame of mind for the typical english countenance and I get loud voiceovers in my head ( my internal chatter was scottish for a couple of weeks after finishing Trainspotting)

* LINDA GOODMAN"S SUNSIGNS

1968 version and quite chauvinistic. All about woman serving their man (star-sign specific) via subtle manipulation and ego stroking whilst secretly having complete control! hmmm?

* Kate Millett - FLYING

On my 2nd readable journey through this stream of consciousness memoir about the 60's. I love the 60's!

*Brian Agar - THE SEX WEB

Do not be alarmed or disconcerted by the fact that you know not who Brian Agar is. I seem to have a penchant for bad second-hand racy romance novels, especially ones with kitsch covers. Here we have a photo of a naked 60's woman in the middle of, yes, a (sex)web. People like Raoul Milhard! and Carol Lovely! support the hero Don Maxwell who "Overnight was launched headlong into a vicious contest in which victory hinged on the ruthless conquest of stalking competitors and success with three desirable women, struggling against the temptation to be the new jungle lord"!!! Let's hope these woman have read Linda Goodman's Sunsigns.

*Temple Grandin - THINKING IN PICTURES AND OTHER REPORTS FROM MY LIFE WITH AUTISM

An amazing woman, who drafts complicated engineering projects on the screen in her mind, Temple Grandin generally talks about cows. She has designed leading world ideals in the cattle herding industry and that is mostly what we hear about. I will perservere however, as one day I will somehow specialise in the field.
Of Autism, not cows.

*Kirk Hamilton - SHEP HALLIDAY

A yellowing, coverless Western magazine from the Cleveland Publishing Co. Pty Ltd whose logo is an Indian.
It has chapter names like "Dynamite escape" and "Looking for a jezebel" and proclaims Shep Halliday as "the fastest man with a Colt in all of Oklahoma" but he uses his powers for good not evil coz he is the town marshal.

* PALGRAVE'S GOLDEN TREASURY (WITH ADDITIONAL POEMS)

Bacon, Both Brownings, Byron, Coleridges x 3, Dryden, Jonson, Keats, Kipling, Milton, Moore, Pope, The Rossettis, Shakespeare, Shelley, Tennyson, Wordsworth ........ Lovely.

* Kurt Vonnegut - BLUEBEARD

Love Vonnegut.

*Neil Gaiman - the SANDMAN:SEASON OF MISTS

Love The Dreaming. Love Delirium. Am DElerium.. Love the mythical and literary references. All this contributed to the survival of my soul throughout my teen years. Ironically my teen years led to the destruction of my comic collection. Step in: My good friend Tiny Pen who has been actively remedying this for 'bout 2 years now. Thankyou Tiny Pen.

Gaiman is good friends with Tori Amos. I like this fact.

*THE COMPLETE IDIOT"S GUIDE TO LEARNING LATIN.

Quamquam via long est polliceor meum optimum facere.

"Although the road is long, I promise to do my best"

*Some DICTIONARIES.

I thank the Universe for: rain, the realisation that on many levels free-will is an illusion, sugar cookies, solitude.

Word For The DAy - Transmogrification - n - The process of changing/transforming as if by magic.

Songs - It Ain't me Babe - Cash version, Lullaby for Syd Barrett - Psychic TV, Track 6 - Animal Collective, Hoist That Rag - Tom Waits, Dylan, Magnetic Fields.

28 Ks Hath January

I will tell you that I am a lot tougher than I thought I was.
(Even tougher than when I become my formidable alter-ego Rambo Fighting Bitch & she kicks heads off).

See I haven't been very well lately due to my fasting (love/hate relationship with food) and my meditation (sheer exhaustion) so when my Lovely Friend Helen invited me to go hiking in "The Prom" Vic Aust. I thought "Pfft".

I do, however quite a bit love "The Prom", I have been craving some real-nature-night-air reality & I quite like Lovely Helen (& her Naughty Daughter Kate).

In light of my current change-everything phase I said "sho' thing"

She said 12km. She said 2.5 hours. She said easy.That's what they told her to say.

"Pfft"

I looked a little bit like this.



I felt a little bit like this.



But "The Prom" looks like this.



and this -



and even this -



So even if it was 28.8 kms and took oh, about 10 hrs, I had a beautiful-solitary-meaning-of-life kind of time, I now know I'm tough and I saw a snake.



I love snakes.

I was walking by my self (carrying my happy 15kg) on a gravelly-mountainy-feel-your-universal insignificance and conversely-complete-omnipotence kind of track in between Little Waterloo Bay & The Lighthouse Track and I see him slithered across the path. Everything is black because the Prom got a bit of a cleansing-by-fire last year (& is just the Phoenix you would imagine) and so this metre and a half long thing could be a stick "tra la la" (I say to myself) "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" (I say to The Prom)

Not stick, 'tis snake.

Highly unimpressed by my girly antics he cocks his head (I swear he grins) and slithers neatly away.

Ah, you know when there is a big spider in your room and after he's gone you can still feel him on you plus lots of other little spiders even tho they are not there? Yesssssssss.

Black trees black plants even some of the regrowth is black (tis black fella's land) so I was plunged into an experience much real-er than any silly spider.

Happy snakes coming out of the mountain-grain like I'd been sharing my time with Hunter.S.



My snake was not an enemy tho.
Signifying the rising of "Kundalini" /energy and "transmuting the poisons of the past", I couldn't have been a luckier witness.

Plus he helped me get my soul back, as did the glorious creature peeking out from the top of my page, but that 'tis another story for another day.

I thank the Universe for : It's incomprehensible glory and perfection, books, words, rocks, rainbows, my brother(s), vanilla ice-cream, giving my soul back and The Parker-Greens who are just my very favourites.

Word For The Day - Kundalini - n. (Hinduism) - Energy that lies dormant at the base of the spine until it is activated, as by the practice of yoga, and channeled upward through the chakras in the process of spiritual perfection.

Upsidepic

'Tis dark place I dwelleth presently.
I can feel the daemons and truth and I c'aint get no sleep that's not plagued by scary stuf.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge says this -

'So two nights passed: the night's dismay
Saddened and stunned the coming day.
Sleep, the wide blessing, seemed to me
Distemper's worst calamity.'

And I agree but tis' two months passed.

Apparently I have a little part of soul missing.

I will get it back on Sunday. Holy Happy Mirthful Sunday.

I look forward to this.

Midnight

'Tis now the very witching time of night;
When churchyards yawn, and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world : now could I drink hot blood ,
And do such business as the bitter day
Would quake to look on .....

W.S (Hamlet)

Sometimes wonderful things happen to me.
Because I seem to have high expectations of "wonderful" these things can also be cataclysmic.
Tis ok. I can handle it.
I just wonder about the effect on everyone else and the sometimes arduous road to understanding.