Happy Birthday Jesus!

Sorry they're gonna kill ya.

(I wish I could give cred but she is known only to me as Gaia) http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/gaia

Dear Santa,

• I would like Lily-Anne to have a magical Christmas
• I would like people to remember why we celebrate such a holiday.
• I would like my Mum to understand me and maybe call, just once.
• I would like to learn to live without anxiety medication.
• I would like people to be like Jesus. (It's not that hard)
• I would like my Nana to live to see my first child.
• I would like high distinctions at uni.
• I would like to believe I have the capacity to be a Mother.
• I would like to see my niece.
• I would like to continue to spread hope.
• I would like to be nicer when I am stressed.
• I would like to go home, but before I do, Santa, I would like a child.

Love, Sarah xxx

How she's feeling about study when she left school at 14......

(chobit)

And Socrates said -





"better to be an unhappy philosopher than a contented pig"





Hmmmmm.





"Asking critical questions about our previously accepted values, ideas and behaviours is anxiety-producing.





We may feel fearful of the consequences that might arise from contemplating alternatives to our current ways of thinking and living; resistance, resentment and confusion are evident at various stages in the critical thinking process.





But we also feel joy, release, relief and exhilaration as we break through to new ways of looking at our personal and political worlds"





Stephen Brookfield




Who the f__k voluntarily does summer school? says me

Me.

Thankyou Drevo, It's on my wall xxx

Hooray, Hooray!!

1st Dec is it? Welll.

Time to put up the tree, me thinks!

And my politically correct nativity with a black wise man, gotta love it!!

My tree is a special tribute to us water starved peoples ...... (It's all relative, tho)

It's a dead Gum tree spray painted red and I loove it.

I Love Christmas.

I love that baby Jesus gets borned.

I love that anticipation that all makes us be that little bit nicer to each other (unless in line for tickle-me-elmo or whatever the hell Bratz dolls are rockin' the aisles)

I love GIVING. LOVE IT.

Want some gold, frankincense or myrrh??? I'm ya gal.

I go stupid at Christmas. She who recycles and composts and mends all the year, just to see that look on their faces! as if to say "you know me, you really know me"

BRING IT ON !!!!!!

(This will be my first Christmas in 3 years without Lil. Hmmm, spent 13 hours putting together their Dora cars last Xmas Eve, what on earth will I do with myself?! Hmmm, drink way too much with my brother, boyfriend and besty..... sounds good.... My thoughts are with you tho' poppet, I love you xxx )

This is what today is about.........

Not AT them

Not OVER them

WITH them.

You'll be better for it!

"Every moment of your life
is infinitely creative

And the universe
is endlessly bountiful.

Just put forth
a clear enough request,
and everything your heart desires
must come to you"


(Shakti Gawain)

Why I care......

"How the One Child Policy came about:

In the 1950s, Mao Tse-Tung urged his people to have lots of children to strengthen the country.

The population growth from this edict led the government in the 1970s to be worried that China would be unable to feed her citizens. So, the Chinese government implemented the One Child Policy in 1979.

The goal of this policy was to keep China’s population below 1.3 billion by the year 2000. Today, China is home to over 1.2 billion people. Couples who violate the One Child Policy are subject to fines (equal to three years’ salary!), community ostracism, and even jail time.

Baby boys are more valued in Chinese society than are baby girls because boys carry on the ancestral name, inheritance laws pass property on to sons, and sons are responsible for taking care of aged parents. Because of this many couples will abandon baby girls. A heartbreakingly cruel choice, yes, and an event that happens all too often – hundreds of thousands of baby girls are abandoned every year in China. The babies are abandoned in public places (such as busy streets, railway stations, and in front of public buildings) so they will be found quickly. The babies are abandoned as infants – usually when they are only a few days old. In addition to little girls, handicapped babies and sick babies (both boys and girls) are also abandoned because most parents in China don’t have the money to provide for their special needs.

Once found, the abandoned babies are given a medical exam and then taken to orphanages."
(http://www.china.adoption.com/)

The Future of China's One Child Law China's eleventh Five-Year Plan Period is from 2006 to 2010. Minister of the State Commission of Population and Family Planning Zhang Weiqing confirmed in early 2006 that China's one child policy is consistent with the nation's plan for population growth and would continue indefinitely. He denied rumors that the policy become less stringent to permit a second child.

(http://www.geography.com/)

Wowser. Gotta be somethin in the water.

Oh perhaps not, WATER RESTRICTIONS STAGE 4. I tried to scan it all official like but scanner not happy. (OK something in the WINE !! :)

I'm used to it. This here no water.

I think nothing of catching the shower water before it warms up to water my herbs.

Or catching the rinse water from the washing machine to add to the next load.

And the wash water to do such gross things as wash out the kitty litter box.

WHO LOVES BUCKETS? I LOVE BUCKETS!

I have a tiny-ish tupperware in my sink to minimise dish water and God forbid (Imean literally GOD FORBID I have a dishwasher)

I think this drought's been going EIGHT years. (Amendment- it's actually roughly 11)

I found a cool thing today. My Man threw a blown up balloon at me while I was showering and HELL YEAH IT SOUNDS LIKE RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

So i have a psychosomatic solution.

That's all any of us need really.

Soundtrack - Tori Amos, Tom Waits, no rain

Climate - Loving and dusty

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEIRDRE xxx

Ohhhh. I've gone and crossed two worlds. I'm this hip, weird, chick all about literaturistic (my new word) quotes and random shiznizzle. But now I've admitted it. And I'm readin' what I affectionately term "My Chinese Baby Blogs" with new eyes.

And those eyes go right to my stomach and then my soul.

Will it be me?

Once upon a time it was all good.

Now I can't be single.
Or on medication.

I have a partner, that's all cool, but he's not old enough yet.

And meds, heh.

I feel different.

But I can still see her.

Since I was a teen I preached on about having children when there are so many already that need lurve, lurve, lurve.

Let's see shall we.

Let's see.

You don't know how much thanks.....

Where do i start? It's 4am and clearly I'm not in bed. this is not my journal but for some reason this morning it is. I did something I now class as stupid. I read my archives. In order. Which if you do, you'll see the winds of change kinda like me or i go with em, something.

I started off hours ago thinkin , "I'll write a post about my brother" he never gets enough credit and he is a rockin dude. i got sidetracked. story of me life.

i guess what i've never said this whole time is word,props, and thankyou to the adoption families.

i know when bubs is a number in months. i follow that to eventually a photo of a damn sad child. and then i read as you crazy cats become mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and i see those little faces get plumper and rosier and those little eyes get brighter and seriously guys, it makes my day. all that minutiae. i totally care.

My favourite is and always has been Ruby In Her Own Time by the fabulous Amyla. Simply because she's fab (Not to mention single and hilarious and just kinda like I like em) and Ruby's following suit.

Anyway i feed on your family photos and silly anecdotes. it makes me happy.

i know they're there. The kids. (Not yours, the other countless) i've been thinkin about them for years, til i was old enough, then Hague changed. But I'm still holdin out. It seems right. I like right. I like true. I like my chances. I just never said THANKYOU.

Thankyou for doing it, writing about it and being either brave, naive, proud, humble or kind enough to let me read about it.

Read mine when it happens ay.

Bless you.

Have a lovely day.

And GREAT BIG LOVE.

EE
xxxx

And for the re(d)cord dudes I saw hundreds of ladybirds(bugs) yesterday. Think he's tellin me something?

Ah, sister, could this be a vague plea???? Uh HUH

I Love My Buddy

Things I learnt today.....

• The leaves of coriander are called cilantro


• Silverbeet is also called chard


• I never doubted "that all things are possible" but hey I flagged a little there for awhile.

Today I got me a healthy dose of reassurance.(Go the U.S, I knew you had it in ya)

And,

And,

• I enrolled at Uni !!!!!!!!!

Watch out World, freedom fighters with brains on the loose.

And Welcome guys, - "we got ourselves a reader"(s)

Bill Hicks would be so proud. Of all of it. Well actually he might not care about the gardening facts, but meh, I like em.

Climate - Peace, Love and sense on the rise.

How high's the water Johnny? Five feet high and rising.

YIPPEE

Now if it would just rain.......

Anyone got a clever derogatory definition for the acronym S.I.L ?

Ah she's at it again.

We're drivin' 4 hours, stayin 2 nights (in a swwwwwwwannnky (see - super wanky) motel,

(maybe all those months away from me have slight perks;)

- But no I cannae see my niece coz she's going to the market. Oh that market, the one that only happens when aquarius aligns with frickin krypton. No. The Sunday market. The every Sunday market. Heh.

I call her Mello which has proven to be entirely and utterly IRONIC. But tonight Big Man has classified her "George Bush" - "she doesn't know what she's doing so stop thinking about assasinating her" Good call, cowboy, good call.

Btw - I wish I could vote. Good luck land of the free, I'm prayin' for ya'll.

The Glory of Love

YYYAYYYYYYY

Well, well, well -

shaving the legs,

straightening the hair (tryed to dye it, and that was grrreat, still smells like peroxide but I cain't see no change)

painted my toenails red

bought a new delicious black nighty (one that perfectly hides my over 30, not enough sit-ups, beerbelly)

SATIN SHEETS (uh huh) A present from his mum (have I finally found the dream MIL?)

(vaccuuming,

polishing,

defrosting the corned beef (yeah, home style cookin 4 my man)

jumping up and down..........

WHY? Lonely days are gone, baby's comin home but no he didn't write me a letter!

Flight tomorrow. My lover has been workin' interstate for, oh, 8 months now. Mad cash, but MANNNN.

A couple a weeks here and there he returns and everytime it's totally "I drove all night" ala Cyndi Lauper.

I can never sleep the night before and even tho he works 12 hour days and has long flights he jumps into his ute and drives 4 hours to my little country town.

And this time. This time. It's for good.

Or as he says FOREVER AND EVER.

Forever and ever? What like Jane Austen? or my grandparents? SHEESH. But I think I'm ready.

Saresy here is not a stranger to deadbeats. Saresy here has got some wierd "but I can see the potential" complex. So many times. Too many times.

So I jumped off the wagon. Simple.

I said if you want me to be alone, I will be alone.

If you don't want me to be alone, I'm flagging here buster, please send me an intelligent manly man (I KNOW?! few and far between in my experience) but one who also understands my beliefs.......

Doesn't try and make me prove it or tear it apart or laugh about my Jesus thang.

So tired of the conflict, I don't hafto prove nothin, cowboys-

"TO ONE WHO HAS FAITH, NO EXPLANATION IS NECESSARY

TO ONE WITHOUT FAITH, NO EXPLANATION IS POSSIBLE"

St Thomas Aquinas.

And he came.

And he's comin back.

And he's gonna come :)

And hell, gals, SO AM I !!!

HOORAY FOR US

AND SERIOUSLY PLEASE SEND PRAYERS TO STEPHANIE , Christian, Claire, Jane, Oliver and Nicholas Nielson.

http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/ reposting of a beautiful girl in dire need.


http://blog.cjanerun.com/ The magical sister lookin' after it all.

Unicorn For Maddy Jade coz magic so is real -

Angel For Lily-Anne coz I am holding you always, protecting you and loving you, you know it -

Once again, I have alienated my favourite friend. She wanted me to pretend to be her landlord for the last 5 years. I said NO. So now she is not my friend. It;s not my fault she was a terrifying tenant. Now I can't see her girls. So I should wish them something - And all Stevie Nicks songs are for Michelle. Poor sweet Michelle.

And Simone Weil says -

ALL SINS ARE ATTEMPTS TO FILL VOIDS.

p.s gO AWAY LIZZI , THIS IS MY PRIVATE TIME.

I forgot to say Props to Brothers. Brothers Rule.

Sisters in law??? Not so much

Peace n' Love 

" The dog howls at the moon,

The moon heeds it not,

Be like the moon"

(?)

Ahhh. What a life.

Do you know when I see a rainbow, everything honestly seems ok. It's like God is really saying it's all real.

It's mental health, my problem. I've denied it for awhile, conscientiously blaming my parents and my life experiences. Sure, contributed but it's just me now and I'm a BIG GIRL.

New meds makes a total of 3 different kinds a day. (I now feel the need to disclaim - I am not MENTAL, just anxious and depressed and a lil' bit out there, I still wash , I get the housework done and no, they're not coming for me)

Anyway, i've just come to the conclusion that if I had say, high blood pressure or... epilepsy or God forbid HIV then I would take my meds with acceptance. I would like to take these meds with acceptance. Just coz they're for my brain? hell, that's parta me too. I like to look at my brain as a computer. Uploads everything I look at,feel and do, plus the occasional virus and tries to compute with the info it's got : lucky i've got my soul, I think. Coz a lot of my brain's info is just plain off the wall, like I can see where its coming from but SHEESH, NOT A PLAN, BRAIN, NOT EVEN CLOSE. So I've gotta regulate it. Carefully, painstakingly and almost constantly. And yes this IS a product of some awful dramas that were downloaded before I had the right programs but where will I get holding on to that? Angry. And what do angry people do? Angry stuff.

Not I , said the cat.

I'm for PEACE. For me, for you, for all of us. Coz I am you and you are me.

God Bless Stevie Nicks and COUSINS - blood products of the tangled web.

And RIP TIZIYU THE LIZARD. You rocked my world, eating strawberries outta my hand when everyone thought you'd bite me. It was your time. May your daydreaming spirit live on with me.

I'm gonna post more. Let's be real. Being real means accepting that no-one reads it anyway and hell, I'm anonymous, so bring it on. Hopefully the ex's I occasionally talk to in my dreams are over checkin' where I'm at.

Falling.

A solitary bird.

Broken by anger.

Contrary in it's cessation

Freefalling upward.

Home.

SKU

Quote for our day

"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary

To one without faith, no explanation is possible"

St Thomas Aquinas

A Little Bit of Hooray

I get to see him live. ohhh thankya lord of my days. Hopin I won't be too cheery for the folk who prefer to play it all black and mysterious coz I AM EXCITED!

'Bright Eyes'

Bless You Mrs Virginia Woolf.

66 years ago you filled your greatcoat with rocks and descended into the River Ouse.

Perhaps you died so the "rest of us should value life more". I know I do.

I fight my own fight and I shall continue to fight,

and write

and fight for my right.

I applaud you for lasting as long as you did. It's a ravenous world.

Thankyou.

"I have a feeling I shall go mad. I cannot go on longer in these terrible times. I hear voices and cannot concentrate on my work. I have fought against it but cannot fight any longer."

VW, suicide note.

"I;m crazy but I get the job done"

(Ben Folds Five)

RIP

Johann Wolfgang Van Goethe

1749 - 1832

" All intelligent thoughts have already been thought;

what is necessary is only to try to think them again"

Word for The Day

EXONERATION

The act of being freed from blame or duty.

Oxford 1960

Man, it feels goooood. :)

The Questionnaire

(As pilfered from page 96 of "Love All The People" Bill Hicks)



1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Absolution from my mission. Or failing that- Never having to get out of bed with no dire consequences thus.



2. What is your greatest fear? my friends becoming Zombies and tricking me into believing they're not and them chasing me all at once.



3. With which historical figure do you most identify? Jesus. For the people getting too scared to believe me (while alive). Emily Dickinson. For the sitting in the tree and watching everyone file to church and knowing she went to "Heaven" everyday, and never being published (while alive). Simone Weil in my attitude to 'the underdog' and my desire to help them to my own denigration.



4. Who do you most admire? Um. Anyone with the will to go beyond everyday parameters and fight for what they believe in.



5. What do you most deplore about others? The things I deplore about myself and/or cannot accept that I am also capable of.



6. What vehicles do you own? My two little legs.



7. What is your greatest extravagance? Melancholy and Sleep.



8. What do you always carry with you? My overworked brain and a feeling that I can't shake that I so don't belong here and my tobacco and rice crackers and my MP3 player.



9. What makes you most depressed? Parents that kill their children. Children who kill their parents, not so much.



10. What do you most dislike about your appearance? It's fine until I catch my own eye in the mirror and we both silently scream WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?



11. What is your favourite smell? Baby Powder.



12. What is your most unappealing habit? Hmmm. I smoke a lot. I drink a lot. I get frenzied about stuff.



13. What is your favourite word? Cardigan ( Which YAYYY I discovered last night was my first real word after Dadadadad. The next one was Refrigerator. Go figure. I dunno).



14. What is your favourite building? Nup. Gimme the sky anyday. (I can't develop a connection to buildings coz they keep fucking changing. I like the oak tree in my childhood house. Is that a building? of course it is. A retro building)



15. What is your favourite journey? From this impermanent reality to the others I enter when I sleep. The way back? Not so much.



16. What or who is your greatest lovE? BOOKS.



17. Which living person do you most despise? Glenn Thomas.



18. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? Cool, dude, action, wicked.



19. What is your greatest regret? That I ever believed I wasn't amazing.



20. When and where were you the happiest? One single moment hey? I know.
When I was up the front of the bus at the "sorry your dad beats you all up come hang out with us for a week, we won't tell him where you are" camp group to say thankyou and yay for the other leaders and the kids all started spontaneously cheering for me. It nearly killed me :)

21. How do you relax? Beer and medication. And yes that's meant to be a 'c'. I wish it was a 't', ideally it's a 't' but we're being honest.



22. What single thing would improve the quality of your life? A frontal lobotomy.



23. Which talent would you most like to have? Invisibility.



24. What would your motto be? Don't scream don't vomit don't scream don't vomit it's really okay.



25. What keeps you awake at night? Spiralling thru time.



26. How would you like to die? With a stranger singing me a song.



27. How would like to be remembered? Sweet and kind and some kind of catalyst.


(Easy/Lucky/Free - Bright Eyes)

waiting for the day the unicorns hang on the wall.

Oh Merciless NOW.........................

sprightly worthless words
spout from inchoate mentalities

AND CLUB ME.
Beat my brow blue.

Impugn me with your Godless masks.

In lack
For lack
Alack.

Confusion say -

"The eye--it cannot choose but see;
We cannot bid the ear be still;
Our bodies feel, where'er they be,
Against or with our will."

William Wordsworth

Wow.

Just WOW.

Read it.

Perspective.

FREE :)



Life's too short.



(soundtrack - The Silver Mt Zion Memorial Orchestra and Tra-La-La Band - Tho You Are Gone I Still Often Walk With You)